Years ago, I remember wandering through a bookstore, finally picking up a book about how to stop fighting with my then partner.
I didn't know what else to do. In the relationship I was in, we didn't yell at each other or get mad, we just had the same talk day in and day out about how I didn't feel wanted and... to be honest I don't even know what he said.
For as long as I can remember I'd always loved love, but love and relationships didn't seem to love me back.
I kept finding myself attracting the wrong people, struggling with conflict in my relationships, and going through painful breakups.
I was constantly making excuses and feeling like I wasn't being treated how I wanted to be treated I felt like I was expecting too much, but at the same time felt like I was settling. It felt like the harder I tried, and the more effort I put in, the worse the relationship got.
After a series of failed relationships, I knew there was something I was missing. There was something about relationships that I didn't understand, that I hadn't been taught.
I also knew I didn't want to settle. I wasn't okay with with a mediocre relationship.
For most of us, how we love is based on unconscious beliefs that we've picked up along our way to adulthood. Beliefs from our parents, society and our friends. The thing was, I knew I didn't want to repeat the relationship that my parents had. (They are divorced.) And part of me knew that Disney happily ever after, wasn't really real.
The reason I had been struggling so much in relationships was because I didn't understand them. I didn't know how to set boundaries in a way that creates connection and trust. I didn't know what I REALLY need in a relationship and how to communicate that to someone else and I didn't really understand what love is and how to create it.
Once I started learning these things, everything shifted. Relationships started to feel effortless.
I started naturally attracting the right people and letting go of the ones that weren't right. I started feeling more secure and confident. I started setting boundaries - which actually made me feel safer in relationships.
And - I finally started feeling loved.
Everything I've learned (and spent many years and $$$ to learn) I now teach to self-aware, ambitious women who are exactly where I used to be. I needed someone to teach me, and if you are feeling stuck and struggling with relationships, you can learn how to create healthy relationships too.