Are your relationship problems keeping you from living your life?
I lost YEARS of my life because of unhealthy relationships. YEARS. I'd wonder why I wasn't more successful at work. Why it always felt like I was behind. Where my anxiety and depression were coming from.
It was ALL because I was in unhealthy relationships. I didn't even know HOW to have a healthy relationship. All I knew was the highs of having things be great and the anxious, depressed lows when things weren't working. I didn't know how to create stability and connection. Or how to deal with conflict.
In November this year, I set a goal to create $3300 through life coaching. And I did it. I created it. I figured out what was between me and that goal, and I let go of what didn’t serve me anymore.
The ONLY reason that I’m able to do that now is because I’m not spending all of my time and emotional energy in a relationship that doesn’t work.
Instead of focusing on my own life, I used to spend weeks feeling anxious, wondering if someone liked me, and when they were going to call.
I COULDN’T create the life I wanted when I was drowning in relationship anxiety and wondering what was wrong with me.
How would your life change if you fixed your relationship? If you finally figured out how to have a healthy relationship that built you up instead of one that keeps you from creating your dreams?
I'm going to take you back to 2013.
Back to before I became a relationship coach.
I was in a terrible relationship with a great guy.
We seemed perfect. Except that he was always busy and I constantly wondered if he was really into me. (A pattern I'd been repeating for years.)
I thought a date night would fix it. We'd have a scheduled night that we could spend each week together. I'd get the quality time I needed and we'd be able to really connect.
But then we instituted date night.
And it didn't work.
He was setting aside the time, but it felt like he was checking off a to do list.
I was spending time with him, sure, but there wasn't any of the connection.
I felt like he was just doing it because I wanted him to do it and not because HE wanted to do it.
I didn't know what to do. Why wasn't this working? I had tried EVERYTHING.
What I didn't know then, and what I learned, was that it's not about date night. It's about learning how to feel connected in your everyday real life, instead of thinking that if you have the perfect conditions and just get away from everything that it will fix your relationship.
You'll feel great for a bit, and then the same unresolved issues will come up again.
The REAL secret to fixing your relationship is learning how to deal with conflict in a way that connects you instead of pulling you apart.
Did you know that loving too much can hurt a relationship just as much as not loving enough?
Loving too much looks like:
Always giving, but not getting the same back.
Doing things you don't really want to do because you are trying to make your partner happy.
Feeling like you never know quite where you stand in your relationship.
Questioning if you are crazy or if they are treating you badly.
Is this you?
It used to be me.
I thought if I loved them enough, in the right way, I could get them to love me back.
But it didn't work.
Instead of feeling loved, I felt insecure.
Instead of being appreciated, I felt taken for granted.
When we love too much, we push real love away.