I was in Dallas last week for a life coaching conference. It was AMAZING and super hot (+37 Celsius). I came back slightly tanned (and slightly sun burned).
The conference was held in a giant room in an upscale hotel. When I got there, I sat down at a table near the door, surrounded by other life coaches (who are some of the most supportive and accepting women I know) and that little voice in my mind starts up.
It starts saying:
“You don’t fit in.”
“You aren’t as successful as these other women.”
“Why haven’t you worked harder?”
“Are you sure this was the best dress to wear?”
We all have a voice like that sometimes. That voice inside of us that wants to tell us the worst possible things. I used to have that voice CONSTANTLY.
I used to try to prove this voice wrong by coming up with ways that I was good or successful or loved, but to be honest part of me really believed what the voice was saying. The only reason that the voice in my mind was saying those things in the first place was because I wasn’t 100% comfortable with myself.
I WAS feeling like I hadn’t worked hard enough. I WAS feeling like I wasn’t as successful. I WAS feeling like maybe I didn’t fit in.
I tried so many ways to stop that voice. I drowned it out by focusing on other people and relationships, I kept overly busy at times and I always had to have something to distract myself.
We spend most of our lives trying to fight against or run away from this voice, but that doesn’t work.
What does work is dropping into compassion for ourselves.
When I see this voice come up inside my mind, I don’t fight against it. I don’t tell it that it’s bad or start to argue with it. I want to get to know it because that voice is a part of me just like the part of me that is strong and capable and confident, there is also that other side that feels insecure, has self-doubt and wonders what other people think.
That’s okay. The more we make peace with that side – the more we accept that sometimes we are going to feel that way – the less it affects our lives. Instead of letting those thoughts control what I do and how I feel, I can look at them and ask myself what they really mean. Why am I feeling like I don’t fit in? What does being successful actually mean to me? How can I help that side of myself that feels like that?
This stops us from going into the negative thought cycles that happen when we try to fight against or run away from this voice. Knowing how to facing this voice and make friends with this voice, allows us to change it.
You don't have to keep running,
P.S. Do you know the NUMBER ONE thing clients say after completing 6 weeks of one on one coaching with me? They have a WAY better relationship with their thoughts. They don’t go into negative spin cycles like they used to and when they do find themselves thinking these negative thoughts it only lasts for a few hours instead of for a few days.