The women that I work with are really good at loving other people. They care a lot. They want what’s best for their partner and having a happy, healthy relationship is important to them, but often, they don’t know how to do that.
That’s what was happening with Anna. She’d been with her boyfriend for a while and things had been AMAZING at the beginning. Lately though, she’d begin to wonder if he really wanted to be with her.
They kept having the same argument over and over. There wasn’t yelling, but there also wasn’t connection. The more Anna wanted to see her boyfriend, the less it seemed that he wanted to see her. She didn’t know what she was doing wrong.
“I try to give him the space he wants, “ she said. “I love him. I accept what he needs and wants. I try not to complain when he doesn’t hang out, but I just have this insecure feeling that I can’t seem to shake.”
For a lot of women, we’ve grown up with the unconscious idea that we are supposed to look after other people. We want to look after other people. We want them to be happy.
The problem is we are so focused on what we can do to make the other person happy that we lose touch with what we need to be happy.
We’re so used to putting other people’s needs before our own that we don’t even know what our own needs are.
Anna was really good at trying to love her boyfriend unconditionally.
“I understand that he needs time with his friends and I’m okay with that. I get that after a long day of work he needs to de-stress, but honestly it still really bothers me when he doesn’t want to spend time with me.”
The mistake that Anna was making was that she wasn’t loving herself in the same way. She wasn’t recognizing what she needed and wanted.
That’s why they kept having the same argument over and over and over. Anna kept expecting herself to be different. She was so focused on her partner that she forgot about herself.
What do you need to accept about yourself? Do you know what you really want? When you are busy loving someone else, don’t forget about loving yourself too.
That’s what makes a healthy relationship – two people who both love each other, but who also love themselves.