I'm going to take you back to 2013.
Back to before I became a relationship coach.
I was in a terrible relationship with a great guy.
We seemed perfect. Except that he was always busy and I constantly wondered if he was really into me. (A pattern I'd been repeating for years.)
I thought a date night would fix it. We'd have a scheduled night that we could spend each week together. I'd get the quality time I needed and we'd be able to really connect.
But then we instituted date night.
And it didn't work.
He was setting aside the time, but it felt like he was checking off a to do list.
I was spending time with him, sure, but there wasn't any of the connection.
I felt like he was just doing it because I wanted him to do it and not because HE wanted to do it.
I didn't know what to do. Why wasn't this working? I had tried EVERYTHING.
What I didn't know then, and what I learned, was that it's not about date night. It's about learning how to feel connected in your everyday real life, instead of thinking that if you have the perfect conditions and just get away from everything that it will fix your relationship.
You'll feel great for a bit, and then the same unresolved issues will come up again.
The REAL secret to fixing your relationship is learning how to deal with conflict in a way that connects you instead of pulling you apart.